Rejection

Today I want to post on something that we’ve all experienced at one time or another during our lives – Rejection.  Not long ago I posted on another emotion, fear, and how it causes us to act in certain ways.  Today, I want to do the same thing with rejection.  In order to do that I want to focus on the story of Jacob’s wife, Leah.

Genesis 29:18-23 (NKJV)
^29:18 Now Jacob loved Rachel; so he said, "I will serve you seven years for Rachel your younger daughter." ¹⁹ And Laban said, "It is better that I give her to you than that I should give her to another man. Stay with me." ²⁰ So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed only a few days to him because of the love he had for her. ²¹ Then Jacob said to Laban, "Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in to her." ²² And Laban gathered together all the men of the place and made a feast. ²³ Now it came to pass in the evening, that he took Leah his daughter and brought her to Jacob; and he went in to her.

Rejection Hurts!

Jacob has followed his father’s advice and gone to his family to find a wife.  As he arrives there, he meets Rachel, who is watering her father’s sheep and falls in love.  So he makes a deal with her father to work for him for seven years, so that he can marry Rachel.  But on his wedding night Leah is given to him.  I don’t know how they pulled this off, but Jacob consummated the marriage with Leah, and didn’t discover it until the next day.  Look at his reaction:

Genesis 29:25 (NKJV)
^29:25 So it came to pass in the morning, that behold, it was Leah. And he said to Laban, "What is this you have done to me? Was it not for Rachel that I served you? Why then have you deceived me?"

Rightfully, Jacob was angry, seven years is a long time to work for one wife only to be tricked and receive another one, but what about Leah.  Think about what she was feeling at that moment.

First, look at descriptions of the two women:

Genesis 29:16-18 (NKJV)
^29:16 Now Laban had two daughters: the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. ¹⁷ Leah's eyes were delicate, but Rachel was beautiful of form and appearance. ¹⁸ Now Jacob loved Rachel; so he said, "I will serve you seven years for Rachel your younger daughter."

Apparently, Jacob’s decision was made on Rachel’s appearance.  Rachel had a good figure and a beautiful face.  She was beautiful, but Leah was just described as having delicate eyes, whatever that means, perhaps she was nearsighted. 

So Jacob has fallen for Rachel based on her looks.  It wasn’t her character, because later in the story we see that Rachel was:

1.        A thief – She stole her father’s household idols  (Genesis 31:34)

2.        A liar – She lied and deceived her father about them (Genesis 31:35), and

3.        She tormented her sister (Genesis 30:8).

Leah was rejected because of her looks not her character.  Then there’s this:

Genesis 29:30 (NKJV)
^29:30 Then Jacob also went in to Rachel, and he also loved Rachel more than Leah. And he served with Laban still another seven years.

Jacob loved Rachel more that Leah.  There are two rejections here:

1.        Her father has no respect for her.  He felt that he had to sneak her into Jacob or she’d never marry.  Apparently, he thought she was too ugly to find a husband on her own.

2.        And now Jacob, her husband, has rejected her, too.  She must have felt like any woman whose husband has cheated on her. 

Do you think Leah was aware that Jacob loved Rachel more?  I’m sure that she was.  You can see what she was feeling in the names of her first three children, Reuben, Simeon and Levi.

The name Reuben means seen, look at verse 29:32:

Genesis 29:32 (NKJV)
^29:32 So Leah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Reuben; for she said, "The Lord has surely looked on my affliction. Now therefore, my husband will love me." “God has seen my affliction.” 

 The New International version says misery;  The Amplified version says humiliation.  She’s miserable; she’s hurting and she’s humiliated.  She says, “Now maybe my husband will love me!”

Simeon means heard.

Genesis 29:33 (NKJV)
^29:33 Then she conceived again and bore a son, and said, "Because the Lord has heard that I am unloved, He has therefore given me this son also." And she called his name Simeon.

“God has heard that I am unloved.”  God’s heard her cries he’s given her a son.  She wants to be loved.  There’s no love in her marriage.  This son will love her.  This is a woman who’s suffering.

Then there is the third son, Levi.  Levi means attached:

Genesis 29:34 (NKJV)
^29:34 She conceived again and bore a son, and said, "Now this time my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons." Therefore his name was called Levi.

“My husband will become attached to me because I have borne him three sons…”  The Amplified version says my husband will become a companion to me.  She’s longing for the attachment and companionship of her husband.  She can feel the rejection, “I've given him three sons, now MAYBE now he’ll care about me.

This is how rejection affects people – It causes pain and suffering.  Look at this from an article in Forbe’s Magazine, “Rejection and Physical Pain Are the Same to Your Brain”:

For example, when someone feels physical pain, opoids are released in the brain so that the significance of the pain is inhibited.  We now know this same experience occurs when people feel slighted or rejected by others.1

There is a reaction like physical pain that takes place in our brains.  Your brain interprets rejection and physical pain in the same way.  It also affects our personalities:  How we relate to each other.  We’re become afraid of rejection because of the hurt, so we lash out and drive people away before they can hurt us.  In effect saying, “If I hurt them first, then they can’t hurt me.”  Another strategy is to become competitive.  In the story of Leah and Rachel, Leah wouldn’t give some flowers that Reuben had picked for her to Rachel.  She used them to purchase Jacob’s attentions for the night. 

We see competition play out in a contest to see who has the most loyalty among friends.  We gossip and denigrate other to see whom people will choose to side with.  A way of saying, “See, more people like me than him or her.”  We want to see someone else rejected.

We want someone else to hurt because we already do.  We use social media – cyber-bullying, and subtweets.  Subtweets are just another form of Gossip. We assassinate people’s character, spiritually murdering them.  All of these are a strategy for coping with rejection, but are these the right ways to cope?  Not if you’re a Christian they’re not.  Let’s look at how Leah handled her pain

How to Handle it

The Bible doesn’t come right out and say, “This is how you handle rejection.”  But we can get a glimpse at how Leah handled it by looking at the names of the rest of their children.  The first three names reflected her pain and misery; afterward she came to a decision about how to deal with her rejection.  Look at these names:

Judah – Judah means Praise God

Gad – A Troop (lots of sons.)

Asher – Asher means happiness

Issachar – Issachar means reward – God has rewarded her!

Zebulun – Zebulun means dwelling –

Where has the focus of Leah gone?  Some time after Levi was born, Leah had a change of heart.  Don’t stay in that Place of Pain.  She’s not crying about her husband’s rejection anymore.  She’s not thinking about what has been inflicted on her.  She’s looking at what God has blessed her with and she’s happy.  I’ve said this many times, “Happiness is a decision we make.  It comes from what we choose to focus on.  We can choose to focus on the hurt and what we don’t have, or we can choose to dwell on the blessings.  Leah has chosen to focus on the blessings. 

One other thing is that sometimes the rejection we feel isn’t what was intended by the other person.  One result of past rejections is that we become oversensitive.  We see everything as a potential rejection and we react that way.  We cause the suffering and hurt of other people because we’re looking at everything they say, and the way they say it through the filter of past rejections.  I used to be exactly like that.  I’ve been rejected in some very painful ways over the years, but I made a choice to look at the good things and not the painful ones.

None of us is alone in this world; all of us have suffered rejection.  It’s just as painful for everyone else as it is for you.  You have inflicted the same pain on someone else.  We’ve all rejected someone to one degree or another.

People make mistakes, people say things, things happen – people have opinions just like you.  It’s not always all about you.

God Hasn’t Rejected You

The suffering can cause one of two reactions in you.  You can focus on the hurt and always look inward, or look at your feelings, only.  If you do then nothing will ever change.  You’ll always be sad and hurting.

Or, you can turn to God.  This is apparently what Leah has done.  She’s decided to turn to God to ease her suffering and He did.  She began to praise God.  Nothing had changed in her relationship with her husband, when she turned to God.  Jacob still loved Rachel more, but God is where blessing comes from.  It’s obvious that there was a great change in her attitude.

Over the years an interesting thing takes place in Jacob.  Look at what happens at the end of his life:

Genesis 49:29-31 (NKJV)
^49:29 Then he charged them and said to them: "I am to be gathered to my people; bury me with my fathers in the cave that is in the field of Ephron the Hittite, ³⁰ in the cave that is in the field of Machpelah, which is before Mamre in the land of Canaan, which Abraham bought with the field of Ephron the Hittite as a possession for a burial place. ³¹ There they buried Abraham and Sarah his wife, there they buried Isaac and Rebekah his wife, and there I buried Leah.

He’s telling them that he’s going to be buried with Leah.  She’s the one he buried with his ancestors.  She’s the one accorded with that honor, not Rachel – The one he loved more.  Rachel’s buried in Bethlehem.  He has chosen Leah.  In the end, he came to love her.

I think Leah came to the realization that she couldn’t change Jacob.  We always try to change other people.  After all, they’re the ones who are wrong, right?  We always think we’re right or we’re the one standing on the moral high ground.

I had a friend that once said, “I wouldn’t think it if it wasn’t right.”  We always think we’re right – it’s human nature.  I want to share a truth with you – You cannot change anyone else, you can only change yourself.

After a while, Leah didn’t try to change Jacob, she just changed her own way of thinking.  Jacob came to love her for whom she became.  The key to overcoming rejection is to change your focus.  Focus on God and his blessings.

Source:

1.  Rejection and Physical Pain Are The Same to Your Brain

The Presence of God

You know, I love being a Christian, really.  I’ve been at this about 25 years, now.  I’ve come to know God.  I know what He does in my life.  I’ve felt His protection.  I’ve felt His guidance.  I understand what my life would be like if I had never met Jesus.  Today, I want to look at a moment of history, (The Bible is a history book.), and I want to examine how God works in our lives.

This is the deliverance of Israel from Egypt and their journey through the desert to the Promised Land.

Exodus 13:21-22 (NKJV)
^13:21 And the Lord went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so as to go by day and night. ²² He did not take away the pillar of cloud by day or the pillar of fire by night from before the people.

The Presence of God in our Lives

Israel had suffered under the bondage of slavery in Egypt for many years.  They had gone there in victory, but over the years ended up as slaves to oppressive taskmasters.  God heard their groaning and reached into their lives to bring them out to a “land flowing with milk and honey”:  A land of Promise – A land full of God’s grace.

This is a historical event.  This actually happened in history, but it is also a metaphor for what God has done in our lives.  It’s a story about Israel’s deliverance from slavery and bondage, but it’s also a picture of our deliverance from sin.

God saw the suffering of sin in our lives.  He heard the groaning from Satan’s oppression and He sent a deliverer – Jesus – to deliver us from bondage.  Moses is a type of Jesus.  That means he’s an Old Testament picture of Jesus.  He brought God’s chosen people out of bondage.  We are chosen.  Jesus said, “You did not choose me, but I chose you…” (John 15:16).  He brought us out of the bondage of sin.

What’s important about the deliverance of Israel is that God didn’t just deliver them and leave them on their own.  His presence was noticeable in their lives.  It could be seen; it could be felt.  It was a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night and our text tells us that God stayed with them.  He didn’t abandon them:

“He didn’t take away the pillar of cloud by day, or the pillar of fire by night from the people.”

God was present in their lives to guide them and protect them – And He will be in our lives, as well.

Hebrews 13:5b-6 (NKJV)
^{13:5  …}For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." ⁶ So we may boldly say: "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?"

The Lord is my helper, I will not fear. 

God guided them on the journey.

        God protected them from Pharaoh’s army.

        God provided Manna in the desert.

        God gave them water in the desert.

        God fought alongside them to win the Promised Land.

God was there for Israel throughout their journey.  You are no less chosen than Israel as God’s people.

John 1:12 (NKJV)
^1:12 But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name:

You have been given the right to be the children of God.  So, God has chosen you, as well.  Like a parent chooses an adopted child.  God will also guide, protect, provide, and fight alongside you. 

Israel could look up and see the pillar of cloud.  They could look up and see the pillar of fire.  They could see that God was with them, “There’s God; He’s still here – still leading us.  He’s still present in our lives.”  These days we live by faith.  There is no actual pillar of cloud.  We can’t look up and see a pillar of fire by night, but we can see the evidence of God’s presence working in our lives, at least we should be able to.  Can you see God moving there? 

Is there something you can point to and say, “If I didn’t have God, I wouldn’t have this or that in my life?”  Maybe your marriage would be a mess.  Maybe you wouldn’t have the job that you have.  Maybe you wouldn’t have the opportunities that you have now.  Those things are the pillars of God in your life.  They’re the visible evidence of the presence of God in your life.  You should be able to see those things that God is doing and say, “There’s God – God is still there – He’s still guiding me.”

Do you know what, though?  Israel, even though there was a tangible presence of God, there:  Even though they could look up and see evidence of God’s presence, they still for got that He was there.  They were always complaining:

At the Red Sea – You brought us out here to die!  At the bitter water – You brought us out here to die!  When they got hungry – You brought us out here to die!

“Hey look God is here but…”

They had it easy – There was God, cloud, and fire.  It’s harder for us, because we don’t have that; we can’t see that.  Even though God moved powerfully in our lives, we forget about the mercy and blessing of God.

Let’s face it, things go wrong in our lives; we get sick; we get laid off.  There are tragedies in our lives and we forget about God’s presence and what He’s done for us, but God is still there for us.

He Guides and Protects Us!

God Guides

Exodus 40:36-38 (NKJV)
^40:36 Whenever the cloud was taken up from above the tabernacle, the children of Israel would go onward in all their journeys. ³⁷ But if the cloud was not taken up, then they did not journey till the day that it was taken up. ³⁸ For the cloud of the Lord was above the tabernacle by day, and fire was over it by night, in the sight of all the house of Israel, throughout all their journeys.

So, God gave direction and guidance to Israel.  When God moved, they moved.  If God didn’t move, neither did they.  God orchestrated their movement to the Promised Land.  He brought them out of the bondage and then guided them to that land of promise.  They moved as God did.

We’ve been delivered.  God brought us out of the Egypt of sin.  The problem is that we don’t always wait for God to move before we move.  We try to anticipate God, “God will want this, maybe not now but in the future.”  Or we think for God, “I will make this happen.”  Or God says sat and we go anyway.  Instead of waiting for direction from God we run off without thought or prayer as to God’s plan, and we can actually end up at cross-purposes with God; working against Him instead of allowing Him to work with us.  Look at what the Bible says about waiting on God’s plan:

Isaiah 40:31 (NKJV)
^40:31 But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.

I’ve said this at least a million times:  God has a plan for your life.  He knows how to bring it to pass, but the biggest impediment to God moving in our lives is thatwe can’t wait on God’s timing.  We want I tall on our timing.  We need to let God direct.

Psalms 37:23-24 (NKJV)
^37:23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, And He delights in his way. ²⁴ Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For the Lord upholds him with His hand.

There may be struggle and turmoil or even failure, but the scripture tells us that even in the midst of that God will be there.

God Protects

Exodus 14:19-20 (NKJV)
^14:19 And the Angel of God, who went before the camp of Israel, moved and went behind them; and the pillar of cloud went from before them and stood behind them. ²⁰ So it came between the camp of the Egyptians and the camp of Israel. Thus it was a cloud and darkness to the one, and it gave light by night to the other, so that the one did not come near the other all that night.

This is a moment of great danger for Israel.  They’re trapped – The Red Sea is in front of them and the Egyptian army is bearing down on them.  They’re frightened, they’re crying out and God does something powerful, here.  God moves His position from in front of them to behind in order to protect them.  God takes a position in order to trouble Egypt. 

Not only is God a leader, but God is also a protector.  He’s there for Israel – He fights for Israel.  He keeps Israel’s enemies from destroying them.  Have you experienced that in your life?  Has God ever stuck up for you?  This is one of David’s prayers:  That God would deliver him and protect him from his enemies.

Psalms 26:1-3 (NKJV)
^26:1 A Psalm of David. Vindicate me, O Lord, For I have walked in my integrity. I have also trusted in the Lord; I shall not slip. ² Examine me, O Lord, and prove me; Try my mind and my heart. ³ For Your lovingkindness is before my eyes, And I have walked in Your truth.

That’s been my prayer before!  When enemies have tried to destroy me:  When my character and integrity has been assaulted.  I’ve cried out that prayer, “Vindicate me God!”  God has fought for me.  God has helped me.  God has troubled my enemies.  He took time out from guiding m to protect me, like he did for Israel at the Red Sea.

God is faithful above all things.  We need God’s presence in our lives.  We need Hi guidance to bring us to where we need to be. – The Kingdom of God – The land of Promise.  We also need His protection to fight for us against the enemy of our salvation.  That’s who Pharaoh is in all of this: The enemy of Israel’s deliverance.  Satan plays the role of Pharaoh in our lives and God will STAND for us.

The Faithfulness of God

Nehemiah 9:19 (NKJV)
^9:19 Yet in Your manifold mercies You did not forsake them in the wilderness. The pillar of the cloud did not depart from them by day, To lead them on the road; Nor the pillar of fire by night, To show them light, And the way they should go.

God was there for them for the entire journey.  He didn’t forsake them in the wilderness.  This is a hard thing for us, because we always think:

God’s mad at me!

God’s abandoned me!

Where’s God in all of this?

The Bible tells us that God is there:  That God will always be there.  We can trust God for His guidance and protection. 

I don’t know where I’d be if I didn’t have God’s presence in my life.  I can’t see a pillar of cloud or a pillar of fire, but I can see the miracles God has done.  The life and testimony that I have is visible evidence of the presence of God in my life.  There’s evidence of God’s presence in your life too.  I wonder if you can see it.  If you can see it, when are you going to trust Him?